haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
