Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
