Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Even my vagina gasped.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
