No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
