wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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