in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
