Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
