the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize