Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
