I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Watching her eat just hurts me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
