A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
