Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
