I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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