erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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