what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
