what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I supernannyed him into submission
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
