im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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