She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
