There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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