we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
