We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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