he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
