Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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