I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
