the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
