This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
