i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
