I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
