How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
