well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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