He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
