i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Randomize
