peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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