the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
