I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
