she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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