I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he thought i was a dude.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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