with your own penis?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
