shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
