Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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