I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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