i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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