i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The power of my boobs compel you
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
