Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize