His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
