lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
