If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize