Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
my liver is dry heaving
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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