I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
