Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
