Im at strip club and am horny
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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