A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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