I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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