I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
