I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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