you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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