I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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