I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
