Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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