Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
