its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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