I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
