all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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