I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
