is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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